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Uneducated Opinion

By Mike - February 10, 2010

I’ve just recently played Chrono Trigger for the first time. Now, before you give me the stink eye and exclude me from your time traveling guild where members wear tinfoil hats and argue over whether Marty Mcfly could beat Crono in a race against time, understand that I’ve been aware of its existence on the top of the ‘Best RPG’s’ lists.

I’ve heard my friends rant and rave about it for years, and in fact one of them even ripped off his pants and slowly rubbed the cartridge on his erect penis while speaking in tongues with his eyes rolled into the back of his head, he was super wasted though. I’ve also witnessed obscene money being thrown at mint box copies on E-Bay. Money that could feed orphaned children for weeks or else spent on one crazy night doing hard drugs and playing Geometry Wars with your friends.

I have a few beefs with the game that I think should be addressed. For starters, Chrono Trigger is lacking in any motivation for the player to finish the game. I thought the world of 2,300 AD was pretty bad-ass, why would I want to prevent that from happening? I’ve seen Mad Max and played all the Fallouts. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from these it’s that blown out wastelands are awesome and I should feel fortunate if I can experience one in my life time.

There is no excuse for the hollow main character, Crono. No character depth at all, he’s nothing more than a cardboard cutout lacking purpose or drive. It looks like they cut and paste him from Secret of Mana. After growing up with a game as epic as Final Fantasy IV, with drama so thick you could spread it on delicious toast, this was like trying to eat a plate of fat-free bran muffins that had been sitting in a sand storm for a week.

Really the only highlight of Chrono Trigger was the back story of Frog, Cyrus and Magus. Finding out Magus was the young Prince Janus from the Kingdom of Zeal in 12,000 BC was well played, but the game is lacking in any other quality plot twists. Most of the time I found myself playing just to finish it, not to enjoy it. They also tried to inject some playful humor to give it life but the jokes fall flat and the dialogue sounds like it was written by a grade 5 class. It’s like watching a Scooby Doo episode but without the charm.

Overall the game looks very nice, and every now and then you’re treated with beautifully rendered environments, like the court scene in Guardia Castle, or the room where the Mammon Machine is kept. There’s enough contrast to make them seem out of place and after experiencing these the rest of the game looks mediocre. The bosses did consistently look good though, but that brings me to my next complaint.

What about the difficulty? Well quite frankly, the first two thirds of the game was too fucking easy. It was like Mike Tyson in his prime beating up blind children with leukemia. This wouldn’t be half bad if the combat was any good, but it’s not. It’s boring. It only starts getting challenging when a few bosses toward the end actually have some sort of magical resistance. The best feature of the combat is the Double and Triple Tech’s because they deal out more damage which in turn help you finish the game quicker so you can go on to play A Link to the Past instead.

Most of the earlier Square Soft releases had the courtesy of having things called character classes so that not everyone is capable of casting magic, healing party members and as well combat. This makes for something called strategy. I found I was picking which characters I wanted strictly based off coolness, exactly like how I pick my friends in real life. Not because of who I needed for essential skills. When everyone is a jack of all trades, it makes for repetitive boring combat.

I hardly batted an eye when Crono went missing in the time warp because Frog filled his place perfectly, and not to mention the complete lack of attachment I had to Crono in the first place. It was on par with misplacing my coffee cup at work.

Now before I get crucified on top of a mountain and a bunch of angry Jew gamers start stabbing me with spears, I’ll quickly sum up what I did enjoy. I mean other than realizing I hadn’t been missing much over the last 15 years. The music was good, in particular 600 AD. The over world of Zeal was eye candy for the most part and I generally thought this section of the game was well thought out. Everything is paced nicely and permitted the player to play in small shifts instead of hours on end looking for a save point. The multiple endings add a nice touch to a game that is thirsting for something to make it special other than the time travel element. I liked most of the characters in particular Frog, Robo and Magus. New Game+ also adds a bit of re-playability which is a nice bonus.

I think on paper Chrono Trigger is an excellent game. When examining up close, it’s a shallow adventure with lots of promise and little reward. I feel disappointed to an extent but also confused as to why this game has gotten so much praise for so many years.

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