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Exploding Barrels

By Alan - February 18, 2010


nakedrobber hobobarrel 240x300 Exploding Barrels

More and more I’m noticing that the creative fountain of gameplay that the video game industry drew from 17 years ago has since dried out and been replaced with a dusty well of unimaginative repetition.

It seems that every game these days needs to have an exploding barrel of some sort. Obviously this accurately parallels our own world where we randomly decorate our offices, daycares and streets with giant containers of gasoline.

So why do all these fat, hunchbacked, friendless game designers think we need exploding barrels pock marking their levels like a greasy teenagers forehead?

Lazy gameplay devices like this no longer cut it. We’ve moved past the corridor shooter; now lets move past these stupid objects. I’d list all the games with exploding barrels to show how repetitive their use has become but its easier to say the list begins with Doom (1993) and stops when time itself runs out.

Are there still people who squeal with joy when they shoot a tank of gasoline for the 987,000th time?

Solution: Anyone who still finds this enjoyable should be sterilized. A generation from now problem = solved.

The next time a designer places an explosive barrel in some random place his/her producer should grab the nearest keyboard and beat him to death with so much force that the keys fuse with his bones an instant before he’s vaporized into a bloody gas (I’d be a harsh ruler, but fair).

Explosive barrels are not fun. They’re unimaginative. They hurt the experience by breaking the 4th wall.  The only reason you can still find them in games today is because designers are too lazy figure out how to work explosives into games in an actually interesting way.

So c’mon, lets move past 1993 era gaming! I know if we put our heads together we can think of something far more fun to shoot. Do you gamers agree?

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  • FanBoy

    Even worse are when levels are designed AROUND the exploding barrel. How many times have you entered a large empty room, with an obvious concrete slab to take cover behind and an exploding barrel prominently on display right next to a door. Take cover. Wait 5 seconds. Doors open and out come 6 enemies who gravitate towards the exploding barrel like fucking fan boys to an xbox forum.
    Really?
    That’s all you got?
    You mean to tell me you’re a game designer working for a multi-million dollar development studio, and that’s the best scenario you can dream up?
    On the plus side, that’s 6 fresh targets for tea bagging. But tea bagging AI opponents just doesn’t have the same level of satisfaction. I mean, if you tea bag AI in a game, and no one’s around, can they still smell your nutsack?

  • admin

    Yeah, why they hell do they always put them in these conveniently (read: boring and stupid) places like right beside doors, or up on ledges where the enemies are standing.

    We’re not all some of us aren’t retards