Uneducated Opinion
Super Potato! A love story
By Mike - March 19, 2010
While in Japan I visited many ancient temples and shrines on sacred land. I feast my eyes on the one thousand golden Kannon statues of Sanjūsangen-Dō and also participated in a mysterious ritual of “cute magic” that was allegedly used to enchant a plate of nuts and deep fried fish tails in a maid cafe that still makes me sick to even think about. As wondrous as all these places are, everything pales in comparison to the great Super Potato of Akihabara.
The kingdom of heaven is a 3 story building filled with nerds.
For those who don’t know, Akihabara is a huge district in Tokyo that serves as the global nucleus of cutting edge gadgets, video games and anime for pathetic people who will die alone with their virginity on a mountain of tentacle porn. Amongst all the groping and deviant sexual fetishes is Super Potato tucked away quietly like Buffalo Bill’s penis in Silence of the Lambs.
It is the grace-land for fans of retro gaming with 3 floors of densely compressed glory. It offers anyone who grew up in the 80′s a nostalgic kick to the nads that will leave you stumbling around like a hobo jacked on meth. I had the opportunity to visit Super Potato in both Tokyo and Osaka and let me tell you that I felt like a 13 year old in an adult video store for the first time, erection and all.
I will speak primarily of the Tokyo location since it deserves the most praise. The first two floors are wall to wall used and modestly priced consoles, controllers, cartridges and video game collectibles. Actually as I’m typing this I’m wearing a Bubble Bobble t-shirt I scored, and by scored I mean ripped off the back of some Japanese kid after I throat chopped him and stole his bubble tea.
There is little to no point in buying any games if your goal is to actually play them unless you effortlessly learned the language like I did. It’s an advanced dialect that involves nothing more than impatiently staring at your girlfriend as she flips through a tiny phrasebook in a state of panic and fear. I made off like a bandit with a mint box copy of Seiken Denesetsu 3, the successor to Secret of Mana which is a game that was criminally never released to the rest of the world. As I paid for the item I scowled at the clerk and mumbled something about selfish Japanese and atomic bombs.
Did I mention the Virtual Boy station set up by the cash register? Apparently these things aren’t myth, they do exist. I took a few minutes to play Wario Land and walked away like I had looked God in the eyes. I have seen the future and it is clunky red head gear that gives you migraines and permanent neck problems.
Why didn't these things ever catch on? Oh right, they make your eyes bleed.
The third floor is filled with old arcades for you to test your mettle and gauge just how rusty you’ve become over the years. Classics such as Shadow Warriors and Raiden are part of a nice collection of cabinets that are simply the icing on the cake to the greatest store on the planet. After browsing the wares, go upstairs for a frantic session of The Outfoxies and remember where you pissed all your money away as a kid and ultimately grew up to be the dead beat you are today.
The fact that such a store can even exist speaks volumes to the strong culture of video games in Japan. There’s nothing to really compare it to in this part of the world except for the video game section of most North American pawn shops, but there’s usually only about 25 sticky SNES games to pick from next to the broken cameras and bloody hunting knives.
Instead our gamers would prefer to cram their lumpy, genetically defective bodies into the local GameStop which is roughly the size of a broom closet and stand in line for the latest re-packaged 3D shooter that will fade from memory and get traded in once the next one arrives 6 weeks later.
Super Potato wasn’t even the only store that I visited to offer strictly retro gaming in Japan but it was easily the best. There was a half dozen other stores that were interesting to say the least but they were not nearly as prodigious. This is a must for any tourist looking for the ultimate throwback to the days of yore. You’ll walk out with a shit-eating grin and a bag of video game antiquities that any normal person will ridicule you over for wasting your money.
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