You Know What Your Problem is
WW2 Games
By Alan - August 13, 2010
Over the last 30 years one of the most popular themes for video games has been World War 2. However, after over 200 games taking different angles on this slice of history we’ve left this genre drier than a post-op transsexual in a sandstorm. The only thing more common than a WW2 game in the discount bin is a visit to the abortion clinic after Mardi Gras. So do any of you actually still enjoy playing WW2 games anymore? No? Good. Then you’ll like this rant.
Look, I couldn’t be more thankful to the soldiers who lost their lives so I can sit around on my ass, complaining about entertainment for chubby brats. Yes, the freedom they all died for gives me ample time to nurse an unhealthy hatred of fat people who take the elevator to the second floor.
Unfortunately, I think after so many games we’re all just getting tired of this era. The horse died a few years back and we’re still beating it. Just turn this fucker into glue so the homeless have something to sniff at night.
It’s easy to see why our violence addicted society has become fixated with this era of history. It gives all the pimply, dandruff coated nerds the notion that they too can overcome the evil forces that oppress them (aka women with standards or dignity). Unfortunately, back in modern reality good doesn’t always triumph: OJ was acquitted of murder, Origin systems was bought by EA then raped to death and Christina Aguilera sleeps in the same bed as this disgusting pile of douche. But hey, let them dream… dream and masturbate quietly so they don’t wake up their parents in the next room.
So the question is: who the fuck wants these war games anymore? For Christ’s sake, can’t someone make a WW1 game? Or a Boer War game? Or a War of 1812 game? Or a 100 years war game? Or a Punic War game? Or some other war game that focuses on ANY OTHER time in human history! So rarely does someone like creative assembly come along to make games like Napoleon Total War and even then their games will never appear on Xbox or PS3.
Is the industry shitting out these WW2 FPS games because people really want them or are they making these games because the industry is composed of a bunch of non-creative, conformist pussies who’d rather cut and paste and mediocre formulas than actually spend an ounce of thought or time researching a new period of history. This genre is more boring than Anne Frank’s diary; the only difference is that these games won’t abruptly disappear.
A perfect example of this is EA’s downward spiral into the terrifyingly boring Medal of Honor franchise. This series should be handed a shovel, a cigarette and commanded to dig a shallow grave. Ok, the game did a good job of introducing us to this theme about 10 years back. Unfortunately, if I have to pick up the Thompson sub machine gun, Kar 98 or, M1 Garand one more time I’m gonna go string up those fat, unoriginal game developers like Mussolini.
We’ve flown planes, driven tanks, navigated submarines, and spent thousands of hours running around blown-up houses or badly pixilated jungles. We’ve controlled entire armies and individual squads. We’ve shot every type of World War 2 gun imaginable and killed every rank of German solider there ever was. They always play out exactly the same, using the same campaigns we’ve all come to know by heart. I’d rather choke on a ball of human hair than storm the beaches of Normandy one more time.
Let’s give World War 2 a bit of a rest. We need some time to drive some innovation and reinvigorate our interest. Let’s use the immense amount of rseources being put into this genre and instead put it into developing new franchises.
Sadly, World War 2 is a dead genre. So let’s lock it in a gas chamber and turn the shower faucets on because we’re done with this one.
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