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Uneducated Opinion

By Alan - April 9, 2011

Last week, Mike went over 3 games he was excited for that are coming soon to your PS3 or Xbox. Dark Souls and Cursed Crusade are both planned to have coop. Kingdoms of Amalur wont. This started to get me thinking about where the classic coop RPG disappeared too and why anyone would waste their time building a game that didn’t include some form of coop.

Yes, these are real problems, unlike my constant state of hyper tension or that nagging pain in my chest and arm. I need a new console RPG game to play, but I want it in coop form. Perhaps if times were simpler, I’d be content playing RPG’s on my own and Kevin Smith would be content flying in cargo containers meant to ship large zoo animals but we live in a world where people shouldn’t be forced to settle. I’m excited these games are coming out with coop, but where have they been for the last couple of years?

So where are the great coop RPGs that stole the majority of my teen years and muscle mass? Sure, there are a ton of games being released lately, but like using your girlfriend’s expensive facial moisturizer to help you beat off into a dirty sink something just doesn’t feel right. Dragon Age 1 & 2, Mass Effect 1 & 2, Fallout 3, Oblivion and Torchlight are all perfect examples.

Why has there been a serious drought of exciting coop RPG gaming on console for the past couple of years? I know there is a market for these games out there. Back in the old PC days Baldur’s gate sold over 2 million copies. Diablo sold over 2.5 million copies. I don’t know how many copies Dark Alliance or Champions of Norrath sold on console but they were both given sequels so that’s a good measure that they were popular. Even Gladius, a game that released to relatively small sales, still has a cult following out there crying for a sequel. And it was released years ago!

Why do I want coop? Because everything from video games to relentlessly tormenting the poor kid during recess is better with friends. This is especially true for RPG’s. Let’s face the cold hard truth and accept that playing games on your own can often become more boring than another lecture from your parents about why shouldn’t torture cats.

And don’t tell me to go play WoW. First off, it has nothing to do with consoles. But even if it did, I’d rather play find the Gerbil with Richard Gere than be forced to sit through 5 minutes of that game. The thought of being surrounded by those wretched mouth breathing golems is a bigger turn off than the surprise screening my friend for his home made sex tape. Spoiler alert: I can never look at him again without Vietnam style flashbacks of his disgusting, naked body penetrating his poor girlfriend.

So why you ever not include coop? Many people I know have avoided purchasing many of the latest RPG titles specifically because they didn’t utilize coop. Not having a decent multiplayer component can only hurt the games sales.

There have been some amazing console RPG gems out there that will be solely remembered because they included awesome cooperative battles. Let’s remind ourselves what they were:

1. Secret of Mana
This was probably the last good idea the Japanese had that didn’t involve used panties and vending machines. It was an action RPG for the SNES that could be played with a friend. If you didn’t give this one a whirl it’s probably because your room smelled like wet bed sheets and no other kid wanted to sit in that pee soaked hell hole.

Secret of Mana: You get caught having sex with one rabite...

2. Baldur’s Gate Dark Alliance (Xbox)
This game brought hack and slash to the console with style. If you’re smashing rats to death then it’s a good sign that you’re either playing an homage to classic RPGing or you’re the chef of a Korean restaurant. Thankfully, my memories are of the former.

Dark Alliance: How many nerds had this image burned into their TVs?

3. Gladius (GameCube)
Released in 2003 by LucasArts. This game  had everything we needed: fantastic coop, leveling, strategy and story. Gladius used turn-based tactical RPG elements that incorporated awesome game play mechanics like swing meters. What did swing meters add to the game? Well, let’s just say that maybe if you had a swing meter to help aim you’d be able to stop pissing all over the toilet seat.

Gladius: It's hard to look tough when your head is 8 polygons

4. Champions of Norrath (Playstation 2)
Champions of Norrath was probably the main competitor to Dark Alliance on console at the time. Champions was a little more grown up and included more customization. If Dark Alliance was a gateway drug to console hack and slash games than this one turned out to be the kind of drug that comes in the form of an AIDS infected needle.

Champions: Fantasy monster rape? Start taking notes Japan...

5. The Lord of the Rings: The Third Age
This was the kind of RPG where you stand in a line and select spells or attacks that deal out damage in the form of little numbers floating above an enemies head. If you liked this, then you probably also get a boner reading statistics about infant mortality rates at hospitals. That being said, for what it did it was a great game. Partly because it was a fun coop experience and partly because it was one of the few RPGs where the main character didn’t look like a Japanese transvestite obsessed with holding giant phallic weapons.

My Final Thoughts…

I get it. People are busy, coop games are harder to make and the closest thing you have to a friend is the horrified stranger on the bus watching you eat your own hair. But there must be other people who would love to sit down with a friend, throw on an RPG, crack a beer and smash some orcs heads into guacamole.

Maybe it’s because publishers think the games won’t sell any extra copies with it. Maybe it’s because most apartment buildings aren’t constructed to hold the combined weight of two gamers sitting on the same couch. Or maybe it’s because the community just hasn’t been vocal enough about demanding this feature with their console RPG games. Either way, there is clearly a demand for multiplayer gaming and I need a reason to invite someone over. This place is starting to feel like a crypt what with all the mummified cats lying around.

Lastly, if you’re hungry for even more coop gaming then jump over to www.co-optimus.com. They have a ton of info on all the upcoming coop games and reviews on the ones that are out already. If they didn’t spend so much time updating the site, I’d probably believe they actually have friends to play games with.

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