
Uneducated Opinion
What the fuck is a brony?
By Mike - July 12, 2011

And you thought Trekkies were horrifying.
Just when it seemed that socially awkward 20-something nerds couldn’t possibly ruin their lives any more, they go ahead a paint themselves further into a corner of shame and ridicule. Allow me to introduce you to the next stage of embarrassment for mankind: bronies. Bronies are essentially heterosexual (?) adult men who watch and obsessively support My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, a new tv show marketed towards little girls. We’re not talking about just occasionally tuning in, but rather purchasing merchandise, writing fan fiction, creating fan art and gathering at conventions. Men. My Little Pony.
You’re probably thinking “C’mon Mike, are you jerkin’ me off? You expect me to believe that these fellas are playing with ponies n’ shit?” Yes, they are, and quite proudly might I add. Trust me, I can understand the value in juvenile entertainment as much as anyone. I collect comics, action figures and video games and even wear Spider-Man t-shirts in public. I would sooner share an outhouse with Kevin Smith after a luau than be caught dead wearing My Little Pony swag. There is a not-so-fine line (chasm) that separates celebrated nostalgia and just plain sociopathic interests that will baffle doctors for generations.
It’s almost as if this small part of the male population, with no hope of reproducing within their species, have thrown their hands in the air and said “I give up!” then began playing with little pink pony toys and high-fiving each other to separate themselves from the pack. Or maybe this is just a clever ploy for nerds to gain common ground with women and mathematically increase their chances of getting laid. (*SPOILER ALERT* They still die alone and terrified, clutching at their small, shriveled penises)
If this is the case, then I will salute these desperate efforts but something tells me that isn’t it at all. From everything I’ve learned, it would seem that most of these dudes stare at women with the same fearful eyes they use on a toothbrush and stick of deodorant.
Surprisingly enough, bronies aren’t exclusively anti-social dorks who hide in the shadows hissing at women. Some are actually accomplished artists, animators and video game developers who are using their skills to create top-notch pony fan-fare. So tell me, what the hell is going on? Transformers aren’t good enough? Ninja Turtles aren’t goddamn good enough? Ponies are where it’s at? I’m waiting for the first brony to take off his Pinkie Pie shirt to reveal Cobra Commander and say “Just joking dude, ponies are for fags. Let’s go pound some beers, bro.” but I won’t hold my breath.
Let the wedgies begin.
If you or anyone you know is a brony, send me an email and try to explain this shit to me because I don’t get it.
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July 12, 2011
• Tags: bronie, bronies, brony, embarrassing, FiM, friendship is magic, lame, MLP, my little pony, virgin, virgins never learn • Posted in:-
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