Archive for September, 2011
Space Marine: A Review By Someone Who Has Never Actually Played It
If there is one completely untapped resource in the realm of gaming and science fiction, it’s Space Marines. I can only assume that this fact is the leading contributor to all the hype surrounding the newly released and creatively named ‘Space Marine’. Gamers the world over have been clamoring for a game that pits roguishly chiseled manly men with muscle dysmorphia against hordes of hideous aliens in a clash of ceaseless gunfire. THQ has answered the call and stepped boldly into unique, unexplored territory. However, treading into the unknown can be a vicious gamble.
Does THQ live up to the hype? The answer is a solid ‘probably’.
Top 10 Arcade Games of All Time
Long before Call of Duty, Bluetooth headsets, and teaching ten year olds your favorite racial slurs over Xbox Live, there was a time when gaming was far more dignified and much simpler than it is today. Starting in the late 1970s, gamers used to gather in public, sometimes even in daylight, and hone their skills on the arcade machines available to them, one quarter at a time. An arcade acted as a social club for kids who climbed the ladder of respect by playing classic games and leaving behind a tasteful three letter handle such as AAA, CNT, ASS, FAG, GAY, TIT, or DIE accompanied by their highest score possible of which others could take notice. This was the original leaderboard. While times have changed, your fond memories of pissing away your allowance certainly have not. Let’s take a look back at the TOP 10 ARCADE GAMES OF ALL TIME.
Professor Tweed Answers Your Questions
While I could go on and on for days like an abundant fountain of knowledge from which my readers may drink, I sometimes need to exercise my degree in counseling and address specific problems that you are encountering which I may have overlooked. Over the past many months I have collected a large amount of email and letters from all over the world and I felt it was time for you to benefit from a little one-on-one time with the Professor. So let’s get down to business, shall we?
Twilight Imperium: The First Among Equals
Fantasy Flight Games is a company renowned for creating rulebooks decipherable only by the few dyslexics out there with a kind of tenacious will normally found only in furious badgers or cornered Tasmanian devils. Thus I find myself called upon time and again to read these delightfully arcane tomes of potential madness.
How I Acquired two
10-Pound Paperweights
Getting a really big tax return is not something that happens to you every day. Hell, if you find yourself in the same tax bracket as me, (or what I lovingly refer to as the ‘Buttfuck Tax Bracket’) you probably won’t see one every decade. So when you do get a return, you find yourself in a precarious position: sandwiched awkwardly between the need to do something constructive with your newfound wealth and the desire to piss it away on something useless. Unfortunately for all of mankind, desire often trumps need. This has been confirmed by many philosophers throughout history (or at least the really cool ones who always bought the next round). When I received my unexpected tax return I was not a calm, level-headed Plato. I was a sloppy, drunken Nietzsche who blew his cash on a shiny new Xbox 360.
