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By Shrub - September 21, 2011

If there is one completely untapped resource in the realm of gaming and science fiction, it’s Space Marines. I can only assume that this fact is the leading contributor to all the hype surrounding the newly released and creatively named ‘Space Marine’. Gamers the world over have been clamoring for a game that pits roguishly chiseled manly men with muscle dysmorphia against hordes of hideous aliens in a clash of ceaseless gunfire. THQ has answered the call and stepped boldly into unique, unexplored territory. However, treading into the unknown can be a vicious gamble.
Does THQ live up to the hype? The answer is a solid ‘probably’.

The game’s protagonist is one Captain Titus, who is Colonel of the Ultramarines (Captain is actually his surname.) Colonel Captain Titus is tasked with riding the known galaxy of the Ork menace by any means necessary; even illegal wire tapping and prolonged incarcerations without trial. Colonel Captain Titus is not alone in this task, as he is accompanied by a loyal entourage of companions. Space Marine features full co-op integration allowing up to 4 ½ players to join the game online as any of the following characters:

Sergeant Officer Duke: Ballistics expert and soft-spoken cat-lover.
Private Ensign Marx: Spec ops sniper and devout Mormon.
Lieutenant Admiral Candy: A girl.
Grenadier General Hugo: Cool, but rude (gimme a break)
Chief Commodore Marsupial: A party dude (party)

By far, the greatest portion of this game’s storyline is the ‘Band of Brothers’ element of the group. The Ultramarines are just like the Semper-fi-hooRAH Marines we all know and love, from the sense of fraternity right down to the massive chainsaw swords. The Space Marines stick up for each other and never leave a man behind. You get a genuine sense of camaraderie from the Ultramarines and by the game’s end, you begin to truly believe that they would do anything for each other. That is of course with the notable exception of *SPOILER ALERT* Private Ensign Marx, who is caught stealing Grenadier General Hugo’s prescription painkillers and is cannibalized by his companions as part of some esoteric Ultramarine ritual of honor. I’m not really sure how I felt about that part.

Pictured: An Average Ultramarine.

Anyways, the whole show is brought together marvelously by the leadership of Colonel Captain Titus, who inspires and directs the group. His tough-but-fair demeanor never fails to shine through, even when he *SPOILER ALERT* directs the group to disembowel Private Ensign Marx and cook his carcass on a spit.

The gameplay is expectedly combat intensive with some unique touches. The pacing is frantic and visceral, putting you against endless droves of Orks who are armed with everything from Spetsnaz shotguns to novelty inflatable mallets. The game features three attack subsets that can be mapped to any variety of weapons. Subset 1 features a huge selection of firearms, from the classic shotgun to the rapid fire assault rifle. The Ultramarine has a wide choice of long range weapons (my personal favorite being the Super Soaker filled with elk urine.) Subset 2 is your complement of melee weapons, featuring the Chainsaw sword, The Chainsaw axe and the Chainsaw BDSM paddle. By far the most interesting is subset 3 which is reserved for a very original feature in the game: Tactical Crying. Activating Tactical Crying causes your Space Marine to burst into a fit of inconsolable weeping, causing the surrounding Orks to be paralyzed with a sudden sense of remorse. This leaves them open to a lukewarm urine ambush followed by a thorough slave ass-paddling/chainsawing.

The Gameplay of Space Marine is Intense and Chainsawy.

The HUD is easy to navigate. At the top right is the health bar, the mana bar being immediately to its left. The bottom portion of the screen is reserved for the current time and temperature, as well as a real time CNN stock ticker. The right side of the screen is reserved for the Ultrafinish meter. As the player kills enemies and successfully dodges attacks, the meter fills up until it flashes yellow. Once it’s full, enter a character specific command sequence and you will unleash an Ultrafinish attack, causing the game to seamlessly transform into a dance simulator. Timed button sequences need to be hit perfectly as the superfly Ultramarines have a dance off against the wiggety-wack Orks to the sounds of today’s latest and greatest club hits. If completed successfully, the Orks receive a damage rating of ‘served’ and are forced to get the fuck outta yo’ house with that stank-ass bullshit.

As we all know, the only perfect game ever made is the SNES adaption of Home Improvement, so the game is not without its flaws. The running time of the game is a little short at 85 hours and about 60% of its content is advertisements for feminine hygiene products. The save system is a little clunky as well. Saving is restricted entirely to typewriters which can only be activated if the player has ink ribbons in their possession. Naturally, there is a constant search throughout the game for more ink ribbons which can be quite tedious, not to mention the inventory space that the ink ribbons always occupy.

Pictured: Space Marine's User-Friendly HUD.

There are a few bugs that made it into the final build as well; textures often pop in suddenly on the horizon and there are numerous bugs in the dialogue sequences. One unusual bug occurred in a cutscene where Colonel Captain Titus is having a conversation with Lieutenant Admiral Candy about her fractured relationship with her parents. Selecting the “I understand… That must have been very hard on you…” option instead maps to the “We know you did it, you left-leaning parasite, so spill the beans or you’re getting the gas chamber!” option. I don’t believe this is a deal breaker; I expect that THQ will launch a patch to rectify these problems as soon as possible.

All in all, Space Marine is a wonderful game that is hampered by a few minor issues. This is a must-own game for anyone who has a fascination with Marines who come from space. Newcomers are welcome too; the game is easy to pick up for beginners as soon as you learn to cope with the debilitating migraine that you get after ten minutes of gameplay. Availability of this wonderful product is plentiful, as the game is fully ported to the Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Nintendo Wii, PC, Mac and of course the Phantom.
I give this game a rating of 5 cheese blintzes out of a possible 7 1/2.

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