Archive for the ‘Video Games’ Category
Toy Soldiers Cold War is a great Xbox LIVE Arcade Game
In the past, when I was told about an Xbox LIVE arcade game I wouldn’t even bother to take a brief break from writing the next chapter in my book titled The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Racist People. However, a month back I picked up a game called Toy Soldiers: Cold War and was happier than Kevin Smith after he discovered the grease dumpster behind his local McDonald’s.
Space Marine: A Review By Someone Who Has Never Actually Played It
If there is one completely untapped resource in the realm of gaming and science fiction, it’s Space Marines. I can only assume that this fact is the leading contributor to all the hype surrounding the newly released and creatively named ‘Space Marine’. Gamers the world over have been clamoring for a game that pits roguishly chiseled manly men with muscle dysmorphia against hordes of hideous aliens in a clash of ceaseless gunfire. THQ has answered the call and stepped boldly into unique, unexplored territory. However, treading into the unknown can be a vicious gamble.
Does THQ live up to the hype? The answer is a solid ‘probably’.
Top 10 Arcade Games of All Time
Long before Call of Duty, Bluetooth headsets, and teaching ten year olds your favorite racial slurs over Xbox Live, there was a time when gaming was far more dignified and much simpler than it is today. Starting in the late 1970s, gamers used to gather in public, sometimes even in daylight, and hone their skills on the arcade machines available to them, one quarter at a time. An arcade acted as a social club for kids who climbed the ladder of respect by playing classic games and leaving behind a tasteful three letter handle such as AAA, CNT, ASS, FAG, GAY, TIT, or DIE accompanied by their highest score possible of which others could take notice. This was the original leaderboard. While times have changed, your fond memories of pissing away your allowance certainly have not. Let’s take a look back at the TOP 10 ARCADE GAMES OF ALL TIME.
Is Mortal Kombat better than Street Fighter?
In 1991, Capcom hit gamers with Street Fighter II: The World Warrior and it firmly solidified their title as King Shit of Fuck Mountain. Other games have come along and taken a run at the belt, most notably Midway’s Mortal Kombat and Tekken by Namco, but they never really came close to dethroning Ken and Ryu as the champs. You could argue King of Fighters/Samurai Shodown by SNK, but they too could not match the quality of Capcom.
RPG? No thanks, I’ll make my own
One of my favorite childhood memories that doesn’t involve stealing porn mags from the drug store with my buddy or shooting random shit with my BB gun was staying up late and kicking ass in Final Fantasy IV for the SNES. There is something special about that game that is utterly classic, from the music, to the boss fights, to the incredibly epic story and plot twists. I’ve now played the game far too many times to get any more value out of it, like using the same old fuck sock over and over for years and trying to convince yourself it’s a warm vagina and not a rancid piece of cotton filled with your pubes and STDs. Much like Final Fantasy IV, that story ends with tears.
