The Naked Robber

The recession has affected everyone. It’s delayed video game launches, cost thousands of jobs and sucker punched your bank account in the daddy sack. Do you really want to live in a world where the local rub and tug can’t even keep it’s doors open? Something has to change. Maybe it’s time you thought about taking your life in another direction. Maybe it’s time you thought about becoming one of the homeless by reading this brochure!

If you’re anything like me, then you probably own more old, dusty PC games from the 90′s than there is things a cracked out hooker on meth will do for spare change and cigarettes. There was a time when I took pride in having all these wasted childhoods on a bookshelf in their original boxes, proud of the thousands of dollars I spent on women treating me like malignant cancer.

Every creature in this world has a job to do. This is true for the lowly ant dragging bits of sugar around and also for the middle aged immigrant women who scrapes the dried shit off the bathroom wall at McDonald’s. The work we do might not be fun but it’s what we were born for. So quit bitching about the shitty chairs at the office and take a minute to absorb these 10 reasons why you’re what people laugh about in the break room:

Everyone has heard of the most recent iPhone scandal, but not all of the information was published at that time. The Naked Robber has sunk to its lowest depths to date in order to bring you more inaccurate information.

In the detailed blueprint below you’ll find a wealth of information about Apple’s latest product. We hope it was worth our intern’s anal virginity, because that’s what we sacrificed to bring you this valuable information.

Click here for a high-res version of the report.

An 80′s kid like me, who only got a new video game once a year at Christmas, can appreciate the fact that today I can cram every single console game ever developed from 1980 till 1995 onto a storage device smaller than a 30 year old virgins will to live. With the aid of incredible software such as ZSNES, NesterJ, Fusion and many others, we can play any of our childhood favorites without the headache of unreliable electronics, sticky cartridges and a tangled mess of cables that are tempting to hang ourselves with thanks to the great effort of many lonely people who sadly spent their Saturday nights speaking binary while the rest of us were out meeting girls and having sex.