During the long, dog days of summer it seems that video game release dates are as rare and distant as your dreams of seeing a girl naked before the Mars Rovers are ever recovered. So instead of just sitting in the dark and sweating into a pile of old socks and ice cream sandwich wrappers, I thought I would take another look at a video game I haven’t played since shortly after Duke Nukem Forever was first announced and women were still second-class citizens.

Starting with Wind Waker I began to realize something. The Legend of Zelda series hasn’t grown up with me. And come to think of it, neither has Nintendo. Nintendo chases after kids like a pedophile who just got his van tuned up. Recently Mike wrote an article about how Nintendo has lost its way and I agreed with him. But it wasn’t until I saw screenshots of the upcoming Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword that I realized I’m no longer a Nintendo fan. At all.

No video game genre is more divisive, perhaps, than strategy games. Games that are hailed as the greatest by some are hated like Tracy Morgan at a gay pride parade by others. But there are a few gems in the genre that stand out like an attractive girl at an anime convention.

There are perhaps fifty games that could be on this list but I had to narrow it down to just ten. Any game that could be better put into another category such as simulator, space sim, etc I’ve left out. Others that were great but didn’t change the future of the series I opted to leave out for the ones that made us rethink this category. So here it is. The Nakedrobber’s list of the 10 greatest strategy games to ever grace your geeky, astigmatism-riddled eyes:

Dear Princess Celestia,

Let’s face the facts. Making fun of a guy who has My Little Pony bed sheets is more fun than going to retirement homes and swapping senior citizens heart medicine with sugar pills while they’re sleeping. Perhaps Alan and I here at the Naked Robber could learn something from the Pony phenomenon that is sweeping through the nation. Maybe friendship… is magic.

And you thought Trekkies were horrifying.

Just when it seemed that socially awkward 20-something nerds couldn’t possibly ruin their lives any more, they go ahead a paint themselves further into a corner of shame and ridicule. Allow me to introduce you to the next stage of embarrassment for mankind: bronies. Bronies are essentially heterosexual (?) adult men who watch and obsessively support My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, a new tv show marketed towards little girls. We’re not talking about just occasionally tuning in, but rather purchasing merchandise, writing fan fiction, creating fan art and gathering at conventions. Men. My Little Pony.