The Naked Robber

From the very first moment you enter the world of Dragon Age Origins it’s clear that you’re in a place rich with history. As you wander the mighty halls and journey deep underground you get a sense of the hundreds of lonely individuals that sacrificed years of sexual adventures to bring you roughly 60 hours of RPG gaming. Yes, this new franchise has been built upon a foundation of expertise, skill and unused condoms. But where did this style of American RPG gaming come from and what brought us to where we are today? Let’s dive into this rich history and take a look at the true origin of Origins:

You’re not as highly regarded amongst your peers as you might think. Not everyone is perfect but I assure you that no one would shed a tear if you were mistaken for a wildebeest and ripped apart by crocodiles. Here’s why:

The internet is a place to argue. In fact, most people on forums spend roughly 90% of that time picking fights on irrelevant topics. They rarely agree on anything. This is especially true for the stuff they’re too scared to do themselves (like admitting to their debilitating chronic masturbation problem). There is however, one argument those ugly virgins will agree upon: =IF(FPS GAME) then (Mouse + Keyboard > Controller).

As John Carmack (Creator of Doom series) put it “The keyboard/mouse interface is definitely still the superior interface for a competitive first-person shooter experience, much better than an analog joypad.”

So you’ve become erratically obsessed with a strange woman whom you hardly know and are now on an illicit crusade of passion to win her heart. Women are a beautiful species but occasionally they should be enjoyed from afar before advancing on with sexual fury. This may sound like an unfulfilling task, but in time you will learn to savor the small details and that fondling with your eyes is almost as fun as using your hands. Under my tutelage, you will discover that women are nothing more than selfish, egocentric creatures who crave the constant attention of lurking strangers.

One of the big trends strutting into the coke filled party that is the entertainment industry is digital distribution. For video games this presents amazing possibilities.

The idea that you can go from wanting a new game, to trying a demo and then to purchasing the full game without having to enter a mall and break numerous restraining orders certainly sounds impressive.

I honestly believe that the greatest era for video games dawned in 1994 and ended in 2003. During that nine year period we saw the arrival of the best developer on earth, Blizzard Entertainment, release five ground breaking titles. All but their first game, Warcraft: Orcs and Humans, were followed up with a solid expansion to generate a near endless amount of high quality gameplay. Everywhere, regrettably unaborted nerds rejoiced.