The Naked Robber

For those of you who love games but feel overwhelmed at the number of choices out there, we’ve done a little work to help you out. Click here to enlarge.

While in Japan I visited many ancient temples and shrines on sacred land. I feast my eyes on the one thousand golden Kannon statues of Sanjūsangen-Dō and also participated in a mysterious ritual of “cute magic” that was allegedly used to enchant a plate of nuts and deep fried fish tails in a maid cafe that still makes me sick to even think about. As wondrous as all these places are, everything pales in comparison to the great Super Potato of Akihabara.

There’s a big trend in video games these days: easily getting the perfect ending. In an age where we pander to the lowest common denominator, turning down the difficulty in video games seems par for the proverbial pitch and putt course that has become modern life.

Throughout your adventure characters will react differently to you depending entirely on how you dress. So equipping the right clothes is very important. Everyone loves a sharp dressed man or a sexy fashionista, right?

Unfortunately, everyone doesn’t love your semen stained transformers t-shirt, your festering brown wool socks and sandals combination or those blanket sized anime button-up shirts you parade your gut around in.

Yes, finding clothes for your troll-like frame will be a tear filled adventure into the florescent world of judgment. It’s time to equip yourself with some new items!

So you’ve managed to convince a woman from the office, who you’ve secretly been watching from the bushes outside her bedroom window, for a night on the town. Or maybe you took my earlier advice to set up this fool proof sex trap. The problem is you’re a little wet behind the ears when it comes to treating a lady so this is where Professor Tweed comes in to ensure you hit a home run.

More and more I’m noticing that the creative fountain of gameplay that the video game industry drew from 17 years ago has since dried out and been replaced with a dusty well of unimaginative repetition.

It seems that every game these days needs to have an exploding barrel of some sort. Obviously this accurately parallels our own world where we randomly decorate our offices, daycares and streets with giant containers of gasoline.

So why do all these fat, hunchbacked, friendless game designers think we need exploding barrels pock marking their levels like a greasy teenagers forehead?