Starcraft 2 is good but quit fondling the box

Starcraft 2 is just good... Quit Fondling the Box by Naked Robber

Starcraft 2 launched this month, finally giving you a reason to pry away that vice like grip you have on your lonely, abused penis. My thoughts? Starcraft 2 is a good game. I’m enjoying playing it. It’s not a life changing experience like backing over your neighbors 4 year old but it’s still fun. I’m very satisfied with what they delivered. It’s tight, the graphics are solid, the leveling system that Blizzard has introduced makes the single player feel slightly less linear and the whole interface redesign is slicker than the gallons of used motor oil I pour into my neighbor’s creek. So what’s the catch?

10 Reasons Why Video Game Music Owns – 90′s Edition

Listening to video game music not only labels you as a chronic masturbator with a compulsive eating habit but proves to the world that you live a sad life based off of stupid entertainment for small children. Take a walk down memory lane as The Naked Robber points out the obvious with a list of the best video game music from the 90′s.

10 Reasons Why You’re The Office Joke

10 Reasons Why You're The Office Joke

Every creature in this world has a job to do. This is true for the lowly ant dragging bits of sugar around and also for the middle aged immigrant women who scrapes the dried shit off the bathroom wall at McDonald’s. The work we do might not be fun but it’s what we were born for. So quit bitching about the shitty chairs at the office and take a minute to absorb these 10 reasons why you’re what people laugh about in the break room:

The Miracle of Emulation

An 80′s kid like me, who only got a new video game once a year at Christmas, can appreciate the fact that today I can cram every single console game ever developed from 1980 till 1995 onto a storage device smaller than a 30 year old virgins will to live. With the aid of incredible software such as ZSNES, NesterJ, Fusion and many others, we can play any of our childhood favorites without the headache of unreliable electronics, sticky cartridges and a tangled mess of cables that are tempting to hang ourselves with thanks to the great effort of many lonely people who sadly spent their Saturday nights speaking binary while the rest of us were out meeting girls and having sex.

Why not Secret of Mana?

If Square Enix was a convicted, child molesting uncle then the Mana franchise is the kid who grew up to be a sexually repressed meth head who ends up in a suit case at the bottom of a river.

April 8, 2010 • Tags: ds, RPG, secret of mana, snes, square, Video Games • Posted in: Video Games • 14 Comments